Since I’m one of those guys who’s a meticulous planner, I have a handful of visa applications filled out and in a desk drawer, because with me – you just never know.

Getting into Russia is pretty crazy – not only do you have to fill out the visa applications (which was more intensive than my NU applications), get visa support and then immediately register with the authorities. Sweet! Who loves bureaucracy? I do!

27. List all countries you have visited in the last ten years and indicate the year of visit

Please see attached book.

31. List all professional, civil and charity organizations which you are (were) a member of, or contribute (contributed) to, or work (worked) with

Between the boat club, the museum and other stuff, I’m sure I’m going to raise red flags.

32. Do you have any specialized skills, training or experience related to fire-arms and explosives or to nuclear, biological or chemical activities? If «Yes», please explain

Um, this is me we’re talking about. I’ll just have to lie.

33. Have you ever performed military service? If «Yes», indicate the country, branch of service, rank, military occupation and dates of service

Being a pirate counts, right?

34. Have you ever been involved in an armed conflict, either as a member of the military service or a victim? If «Yes», please explain

I live in Chicago. That should be enough.

Have you ever tried to obtain or assisted others to obtain a Russian visa or enter Russia by providing misleading or false information?

Hey wait a minute! Are you trying to trick me?

Have you ever been deported from Russia?

“Not yet” is not a checkbox.

Photo “Spasa-na-krovi Cathedral” by _neona_ on Flickr